Don't Let Me Down
by timelesshearts
Summary: The world is falling down around them and he will do anything to make sure she stays safe. They will have to put aside their past and move forward if they even want a chance at survival. *Set in the future but pre-Ark days*
1. It's Only Life

**~CLARKE~**

Of course she'd thought about the moment she would cease to exist. Death was natural, it happened, so didn't everyone think about their own from time to time? Lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by family after living a full life would have been ideal but Clarke never expected it. After all the tragedy and lack of people in her life it almost seemed fitting that she would die painfully and alone. She would have let out a bitter laugh if she could have forced anything but smoke from her lungs.

She wondered if this was how death approached her father. Wondered how long he had spent in that upturned and mangled car before his life finally left him. Was it seconds? Minutes? Hours?

Did he have time to ponder everything he was leaving behind? _Who_ he was leaving behind. Was he able to think about how this would crush not only his wife but also the daughter who depended so much on him? That the mother and daughter's relationship would become nearly indiscernible in the after math. That the moment he disappeared from existence not only would Clarke lose a father but every person in her life. Her father died, _they_ left, and her mother mentally checked out. She was alone in every aspect of the word but it didn't bother her as much anymore or even now because she had more than enough time to adjust to it. She never made a fuss about what she was feeling because who was she going to tell with no one around? And honestly there were bigger problems in life than wanting somebody to talk to. Clarke wasn't the only person to ever feel alone.

No, because Jake Griffin had died alone. Had he wished someone had been there in his final moments or was it easier to pass on without someone trying to make you feel better about whatever was eventually going to happen? Maybe her dad hadn't even had the time to think about anything. Maybe when the car had flipped over and his skull smashed against the window that was it. The hit was hard enough that he never had the chance to regain consciousness. She didn't know and she never would. The fact that she had no clue what had happened to her father in that accident, that there hadn't even been a body left for them to bury still bothered her. The closure never came and so the insanity of not knowing stayed. The weight of it, the pain, it almost buried her alive.

She guessed none of that mattered now considering she was literally about to be buried alive. What was she leaving behind? There were no friends and especially no boyfriend to mourn her when she was gone. She would never finish college. Never get married. Never buy her first house. Never have children to call her own. All she had were a few final essays due next week, some dishes in the sink ready to be washed, and a mother she saw all of five minutes every other day. A mother who would come back to see a house she had dedicated half of her life to in shambles with her only child beneath it. What would she think when she saw those blue shutters in pieces or the white entry door tinged with black soot and burn marks or when the police told her that her daughter was gone? Would she cry? Would she yell? Would she completely break apart?

Clarke suddenly wished that she had made more of an effort to spend time with her mother, had forgiven her for being so blind to how her father's death had affected her, or at very least had said I loved you before Abby had left for a weekend work trip.

Yelling reached her ears and she assumed that the people outside are staring up at her house with pity while others are frantic to stop the engulfing flames. She wanted to pull herself off the floor and scream for help but there was a vice grip around her lungs, forcing all her energy into taking little gasps of clouded air. There would be no use anyway because she didn't have enough time left. There's a pounding in her head, so loud that it was surely going to cause and aneurism while her heart felt like it was going to explode. Something crashes and the panic gets noisier but she doesn't pay any attention because she's floating, drifting onto something softer than the debris covered hardwood floors of her house.

Then she hears crying and it takes her a second to realize that she isn't floating. She's being moved. Someone had tried to rescue her and someone had failed because there was no coming back from this. She was so close to blacking out.

"Clarke! Clarke!"

She knew that voice and she selfishly wished that she were already dead so she didn't have to think of _him_. It wasn't unexpected that he'd make an appearance in her final thoughts because he had always found a way to surprise her when she least anticipated it. Even after all this time she knew that the reason he in particular comes to mind is because he's still one of the most important people in her life. And she hated it because he doesn't deserve to be. He messed with her head, he ripped her heart to shreds, and he left her to deal with it all on her own. She should hate him and yet even in her last moment she couldn't bring herself to. All she really wanted was to see him one more time.

There's a weight on her chest and heaviness on her lips. And all at once she's suffocating and choking and having air forced into her lungs. They're trying to save him but it wouldn't work with her so close to death. She's heard the stories about how people have survived just an inch from death but Clarke had never believed herself to be lucky. She didn't even believe that she deserved a second chance. The end was so close and so she pried open her eyes, ignoring the burn it caused, for one concluding glimpse at something beautiful one this screwed up planet.

She gets her look in the form of a man's face hovering above her, and not just any face but _his_ face. Strong jaw, whiskey eyes, and a scatter of adorable freckles. He's even more handsome than she remembered and it doesn't shock her at all. He has that worrisome look mixed with a little relief and its so normal, so completely him that her lips raise at the corners. The hallucination is enough to give her the final push to just let go, so she did.

Her eyes fluttered closed for the last time and darkness consumed her mind, but she okay with it because at least she was able to see Bellamy Blake in the concluding chapter that was her life.


	2. There's a Stillness in Remembering

Hey everyone! I just want to say thanks to those of you who read this as well as the reviews. Sorry I've been so busy with work that I didn't get this posted sooner. Also, my birthday is on Wednesday so I'm going to try to have the next chapter up hopefully right afterwards. Enjoy! :)

* * *

**~BELLAMY~**

People gathered around him, trying to pull his hands off of her lifeless body. He shook them off, shouting at them not to touch her. She wasn't theirs to touch. They were screaming and he wished more than anything that they would all just shut the fuck up and give him a quiet moment to reflect on his failure to save a girl who he had been revolving his life around for years.

He wanted to shoot every single man and woman he saw wearing suits. They hadn't arrived yet but it was only a matter of time. As she lay there limp and unresponsive in his arms he hated himself for not arriving sooner. He would have taken her place in a heartbeat, happily died in order to save her life because in the end it hardly mattered how much time has passed, some things never changed. After all this was what he'd been trying to achieve in his absence, risking his life and his sister's life in order to keep her safe. But none of it mattered because he had arrived at the exact place he was hoping to avoid: tears staining his cheeks while he held the only girl he had ever truly been in love with.

He needed to get out of here before the D.O.D arrived, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Bellamy was crippled by the thought that a world without Clarke Griffin was like ripping the sun from the sky. Because that was what she was, not just one dazzling ray of sunshine in a world surrounded by darkness but the whole _fucking_ sun.

His tears came more violently, a combination of his anger and aguish, and he wrapped his hand more tightly around the back of her neck to cradle her head to his shoulder. Thoughts of her, of them together had kept him fighting when he was so close to giving up.

She was his rock.

She kept him grounded.

She kept him sane.

All without having spoken to him in three years. He would give anything now to hear her whisper his name, hell he'd even take the fighting and screaming that happened so often when they were together. He'd only gotten a glance, one last fleeting look at electric eyes that he'd spent so many nights hoping to look into again. She deserved more than this, more than everything that has happened around them and between them. She at least deserved to hear how he really felt because it was the only thing she'd ever asked and he denied to her. She was supposed to live long enough to make his eardrums bleed from the amount of screaming and yelling. Long enough to have him groveling at her feet for months before she let him back in her life. Long enough that he could spend years convincing her that they were meant to be together, regardless of their past.

She deserved more than him. he _knew_ that. It didn't change the fact that he would never love another girl the way he loved. He would have done anything but now- his thoughts halted and he looked down in disbelief and confusion.

He pressed his thumb harder against her neck and could feel it.

The barely there drum beat against his finger.

Her pulse.

_His brave Princess._

Bellamy wasted no time in gathering her into his arms and pushing through the crowded group of people to take her to his waiting SUV. He ignored frantic cries about how he shouldn't be taking her anywhere and they should instead wait for the police but the police wouldn't come offering help. His face was attached to the wanted and highly dangerous database and he was sure that Clarke's would be there along side it soon enough. He laid her gently across the backseat, moving a blond strand of hair from her soot marked face. What he needed was to get her out of here, away from the commotion. Safe. She was alive and he thanks whatever higher power was responsible for giving him a second chance to fix this.

To fix everything.

As he drove away, Bellamy scanned the reflection of four blacked out hummers pulling up to the remains of Clarke's house. A house that she had lived in her entire life and he had spent a good amount of years hanging around in as well. Now it was just another important piece of her life that would be missing. She'd lost so much already. How was he going to explain this to her? How much did she know already? They had all agreed to keep her in the dark about everything but before tonight he hadn't had contact with Abby in four months. Who knows what might have slipped out in those mother and daughter chats that they were so accustomed to?

He was so anxious that he ended up driving forty over the speed limit and what should have been a six hour drive became a four hour drive. She was still unconscious by the time he pulled into the underground garage and he debated whether or not he should have just stopped at a hospital on the way here. He could have checked her in under a false name but story of her house would surely be on the news along with her face plastered on every wanted poster in the country. Ultimately, it was too much of a risk. She was breathing evenly which was a good sign. It was only a matter of time right? Clarke just needed to rest. He kept telling himself that while trying to ignore the little voice poking at the back of his head. _And what if it's not? You'll have to watch her die again._

The sun was starting to rise and he had to mentally prepare himself for the day. He was about a hundred and fifteen percent sure that the moment Clarke woke up (_if she woke up_) there would be an exhausting fight between them. She might be grateful that he rescued her from a burning house but he couldn't see her being the one to forgive and forget the fact that he willingly just walked out of her life. And he would never expect her too. The way he handled things and how he _treated_ her. He despised himself for it. He wouldn't be entirely surprised if the only time she spoke to him was to yell at him.

On top of that he would have to deal with his sister for basically disappearing for an entire day and leaving her to take care of Charlotte without any warning. Maybe with some luck Octavia would be asleep and he could crash before she even opens an eye. She would usually be more inclined to let him sleep before lashing out at him but sometimes the girl could be totally unpredictable.

He carefully pulled Clarke from the backseat and closed the garage door before entering the house. It was silent and he took that as a good sign. He knew Atom came to check on them last night as he requested but he would have been gone by now to check the other safe houses. He didn't even realize where he was taking her until Clarke was settled against his dark comforter. Again, old habits died hard.

He sits down beside her and pushes her blond hair out of her face. He almost wants to hit himself for noticing how much she's changed over the years, because he had been stupid enough to think that maybe she wouldn't have changed at all. That by the time he was able to return to her she would be that same innocent and grief-stricken girl he left crying on her bed. He was ridiculous to think it. She so obviously wasn't that seventeen-year-old girl left behind to deal with the hardships of life. Her features were the same. Same eyes like ocean water after the storm. Same glowing porcelain skin although a little paler than normal. Same barely there beauty mark right above her lip. However it was the little things that he noticed the most.

From the moment Clarke had turned thirteen he'd hardly seen her without any form of makeup on, even if it only happened to be eyeliner and lip-gloss. Octavia and her could spend hours trying out different looks and comparing brands which used to annoy the shit out of him to no end because those days it meant he was down a video game partner.

Her hair no longer sat in straight curtains down her back but now fell past her shoulders in natural ways. If someone had told him years ago that Clarke would even consider cutting her hair or not keeping it in the straightened style she was so devoted to he could have spent days laughing. She hated how her natural hair looked but on those rare occasions that he got to see it, he always believed that it suited her. Not that any of it mattered much to him, which way she wore she hair or how much make up she put on. She was still Clarke. She was still the most stunning thing he'd ever laid his eyes on.

Bellamy didn't let his eyes travel any further because he didn't trust himself to not lay down beside her and pull her close. He was already fighting the urge as it was. If she woke up lying in his arms he could almost guarantee that punches would be thrown. His balls would mostly likely take the brunt of it and he happened to be quite attached to them. Besides, lying beside her had always lead to something that definitely not involved sleeping. He grabbed a nearby blanket before his thoughts could wander too far, thinking its best that he just leave her be, and tossed it over her form. As he exited the room Bellamy paused for one final look at her. After the day he's had he still can't really believe she was here and he didn't want to fall asleep only to wake up and realize that this had just been another dream. The thought terrified him, as it had become such a common occurrence in his nights.

He crept his way down stairs, grabbing a blanket and pillow from the hall closet on the way. He wasn't as tired as he should have been but he blamed that on his temporary state of agitation. Would he even calm his mind down enough to pass out or would he have to wait for Clarke to open her eyes before he could even consider finding solstice in sleep?

His head hit the pillow and his eyes pulled shut. He shifted. It wasn't the most comfortable couch in the world but it was better than a lot of the safe houses he had stayed in so far. This one was a medium sized house buried deep in the woods by trees and brush so thick it was nearly impossible to notice unless you were walking right beside it. The color of the house had the same green and brown tones of the forest around them and it help that the entire area was surrounded with trip wire that could given them a good fifteen minute head start if anyone was trying to find them. The reasons were obvious why he preferred the security in the wide-open spaces compared to the most obvious tiny apartments in the middle of cities.

It also helped immensely to be friends with one of the most brilliant hackers in America. They never ran out of money, always had a secure location to travel too next, and were always tipped off ahead of time. Not to mention Monty could block their IP addresses and servers when it came look simple things like using cell phones or browsing the Internet for research that would surely tip off the government of location and plans.

He fell deeper into the couch finally finding a comfortable enough position to fall asleep. He was drifting, ready to pass out. After all he had been up for at least 32 hours playing hero. Only seems fitting that he deserves a little bit of−

"I hope you weren't planning on sleeping," his sister called from the kitchen, using her snarky tone express her silent end to her sentence: _before you explain, apologize, and grovel at my feet for your disappearing act last night. _

He groaned in exasperation and disregarded his body's protest to stay where he was. Octavia wasn't going to let him sleep until he gave her a proper explanation to why he had run off like he did. Bellamy had no idea how he was going to explain that her former best friend, who he had made her cut contact with, was currently upstairs on his bed comatose. She only knew what he told her but the truth was going to come out one way or another and it might as well be from him. No time like the present.

When he entered Octavia had her back to him, keeping her eyes trained on the contents of the fridge while still dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. Had she stayed up all night worrying as she so often did or had she just woken up moments before he got back?

Silence stretched between them.

He took a seat at the breakfast bar and tried to assess just how angry she was as she pulled coffee creamers out of the fridge.

Chocolate hazelnut.

His favorite.

_Thank God_.

She wasn't angry. Angry Octavia would have thrown a mug full of coffee at his head rather than made it just the way he liked and slid it across the bar. She gives him a small smile and he mentally reminds himself to thank Atom for whatever he had told her. He's entirely sure that's the only possible reason that he wasn't enduring one of the outbursts that she was notorious for.

"Thank you." He takes a sip, reveling in the delicious taste of caffeine entering his energized body, before asking, "Have you been awake all night? What about Charlotte?"

She shakes her head, pouring French vanilla into her own mug. " She's still sleeping. I was in and out of sleep all night. It's nearly impossible to sleep through the night when you're not here but with Charlotte it is impossible. Does she always wake up from her nightmares like that?"

I nodded, knowing how she felt. After all he had been the one dealing with them. Last night had been the first since he found Charlotte that she hadn't slept beside him and he'd been in such a rush yesterday afternoon that he it never even occurred to him to warn Octavia. "They're about her parents."

Just like having Clarke back in his life, Charlotte had been an unanticipated obstacle. The last thing he expected to find on a warehouse raid was a six-year-old girl huddled next to the body of her dead parents. It was a huge decision that made their lifestyle ten times harder but he couldn't just leave her there, crying in a pool of blood that wasn't hers. Taking care of a kid was difficult, especially one as emotionally broken as Charlotte but he had some experience. Octavia had turned out fine, other than the temperament but he begun to think that had more to do with their genes than anything else. Besides this time he wasn't doing it alone, Octavia helped a great deal when he needed to do research or spend time training by just keeping the little girl preoccupied. It had been three weeks since he'd found the little blond and she was already a large part of their family dynamic.

"Does she tell you about them?"

"Yeah," he answered. She looked down but it's obvious that she's disappointed.

Charlotte rarely spoke more than two words in the presence of anyone other than him. They assumed after the trauma of what she had seen it was best not to push it but be supportive. She had gotten better with Octavia but it was still mostly just answering questions. Bellamy had faith though. She would come around in her own time and he reminded his sister of this.

She nods in understanding. "I know. It's just really sad to think about. I had no idea about her nightmares. I want to help but then I realize I have no idea how to. She is half the age I was when mom died. I remember it was sad and then scary because we had to move but I never really felt the weight of her being gone because she was never around that often to begin with." There were tears forming in her hazel eyes, the same eyes as their mother's, but she angrily wiped them away before they could fall. "God, that sounds so awful when I say that aloud, but it's true. I always had you and I still did afterwards. It was easier to move on because not a lot in my life had changed." She paused and looked Bellamy over as if testing his reaction before she gave her final thoughts. "And then there was Clarke and her family."

It seemed fitting that Octavia would bring up Clarke for the first time in a year, even if it were purely by coincidence. Sometimes it was hard for him to remember that he wasn't the only one to lose her the night he packed them up and left with little more that a goodbye. Yes, Octavia had lost the only best friend she'd ever had but Bellamy had lost his other half. A girl that he'd spent a considerable time thinking about how when it came to his future. He never thought he could become selfish when it came to Octavia but leaving Clarke behind had changed him immensely. He was selfish and sometimes he had to push aside Octavia's feelings to spare his own, but that was the only way to deal with the ache.

The first months had been the hardest. Bellamy nearly rammed his fist through a wall every time her name was brought up and he had to smash Octavia's cell phone to pieces in order for her to stop from keeping contact with Clarke. His sister had always been put first in his life but things with Clarke were so much more complicated. Octavia couldn't understand why he was acting the way he was and he couldn't bring himself to explain it at first. They fought constantly and she took every opportunity she could get her hands on in order to throw his (what she assumed were) one-sided feelings for Clarke in his face. And it ate away at him because those feeling hadn't been one-sided at all. They'd never expressed aloud what ever was happening between them because with one look he knew all he needed to know. But the more time stretched on he wondered if maybe he hadn't known her as well as he thought. Maybe by the fourth month of them being gone she had replaced him. It hurt like hell to think about but then she had every right to and he couldn't stop her.

It was almost a year before Octavia finally accepted that they weren't going to see Clarke again. He had slipped up and told her that they were doing this for her. Clarke had to stay safe. And she went along with it not even asking the _why_. Whether she didn't want to be informed or she was afraid to ask him, Bellamy didn't know. Eventually the fighting became minimal and they grew closer than they had ever been.

Now that Clarke was back in their life again, how was that going to affect who they had become?

"I'm sorry," she muttered into her coffee cup, probably assuming that she crossed a line with him. "Let's change the subject. Starting with the reason you took off to yesterday and didn't return until this morning."

She didn't know, but they wouldn't be changing the subject at all. Every action and thought that possessed him yesterday had revolved around one name. Clarke. "I went to-" Bellamy shook his head, realizing this was going to be harder than he thought. So he started over from the beginning. "I got a call yesterday from Abby."

"Abby Griffin?" Octavia clarified, trying not to look surprised but failing miserably. Considering she had no idea her brother had kept in contact with Abby at all since they had left he didn't blame her.

"Yes," he answered. "She called me to tell me that Clarke was in trouble." He doubted he needed further explanation and by the unnerving expression on Octavia's face he knew he was right.

"Is she alright?" she asked finally, her voice meek as if she was almost too afraid to ask him.

Bellamy ran a hand tiredly over his face. "I don't know." He told her honestly before explaining. "I pulled her out of her burning house and she's breathing but she's unconscious."

Something shattered and he removed his hand to see that Octavia was no longer holding her mug between her fingers because it was now scattered across the kitchen tiles.

This is what he had been waiting for.

He could practically see the wheels turning in her head as the comprehension of his words settled in.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she asked her next question with evident disbelief. "She's here?"

But he didn't have to answer or even nod his head because she already knew. He had no idea what else she was thinking or how to comfort her and he hated that. Mostly he hated that he was so wrapped up trying to figure out how this whole situation was going to change their entire lives and what he was going to do when Clarke did finally wake up that he didn't notice the tears blending into the coffee as Octavia wiped it clean from the floor.


	3. Pull the Panic Cord

**~Clarke~**

Clarke flung forward with terrified eyes; gasping for air and desperately clutching her heart to make sure she had in fact been dreaming. Her eyes came in contact with the dark comforter before she fell back on the bed and squeezed shut her eyes again. She was used to the nightmares but they often consisted of everyone dying around her, leaving her to face the world alone. Not so different than her actual life really. This one had been different. She had never dreamt of her own death before, at least not that she could ever remember. Not to mention being burned alive was such a horrific way to die. She seriously needed to stop watching those stupid horror films while she tried to fall asleep.

It was terrifying how real it felt. Even now it was as if her throat was still scratchy and swollen from residual smoke and her skin felt rubbed raw. She shook her head, turning over. She just needed to go back to sleep and hopefully this time there would be no nightmares. In the morning she could make some pancakes to make herself feel better but for now she would just settle deeper into her black comforter and go back to sleep.

The thought hit her just a second too late while her eyes flew open for the second time. Clarke stumbled out from under the comforter that definitely wasn't hers. No, because she had been waking up to the same awful pink comforter that her mom had gotten her after her father died. It was her own fault really, for completely trashing her room out of pain and anger.

Her ankle was twisted in the edge of the blanket and she tumbled to the hardwood floor with an audible thud. She shifted her eyes around the room trying to stay calm but it was no use. Panic bubbled up inside her because no matter what she set her eyes on, there was nothing in this room that she recognized. She wanted to believe that maybe she had just woken up with some random guy but it could have been the farthest thing from the truth. Her days of sleeping around to feel numbness rather than pain had ended as quickly as it started. She hadn't so much as spoken to a guy that wasn't her classmate or professor in over a year and a half.

She pulled herself off of the ground at the same time that the door was open. She only had a second for the confusion to set in at seeing the same face she was just dreaming about only moments ago, before he was crossing the room in determined strides. Nothing had been a dream, she suddenly understood. She had almost _died_.

Clarke opened her mouth, to say what? She had no clue, but the words never came because soft lips pressed hungrily into hers. She didn't pull away; she didn't even try to fight it. His fingers threaded through her hair while hers fisted in the cotton of his shirt to tug him closer. She reveled in the bruising pressure of his mouth against hers, of the electricity that traveled over her skin as his free hand trailed over her back only to firmly jerk her hips against him. She gasped into his mouth at the feel of his hardness pressing against her stomach and he took the opportunity to invade her mouth with his tongue. Pushing, stroking, and tangling to around her own to obliterate her senses. Bellamy had always had a way with his mouth and knowing how to keep her mind preoccupied with it.

The thought struck her hard. Melting into Bellamy had always come second nature to her. She didn't even have to think about it, and even three years apart hadn't changed this. Here she was _not_ thinking. It took all her effort but she managed to yank herself out of his grip and push him away.

His eyes opened, instantly locking with hers. She could never have prepared herself for the tremor that shot straight through her core at the sight of the dazed and hungry look in his whisky eyes. "What-"

But she didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence before her hand reached out and connected loudly to his cheek. Anger dropped over his lust filled expression and he opened his mouth, most likely to yell but she cut him off again. "Don't you fucking dare!"

He flinched at both the heated look in her eyes and the icy tone of her voice. His fingers reached up to gingerly touch his lips and it riled her that he looked almost stunned that she had pushed him away. As if she just couldn't help but not control herself around him. As if he had some kind of right to go around kissing her like his life depended on it. If anything she should have been stunned. After all she was the one standing in front of a man who had basically become a ghost to her.

"I didn't…I mean I…" he rambled, trying to take a step toward her and thinking better of it when she sent a glare in his direction. "I'm sorry."

"For shoving your tongue down my throat or doing it after disappearing out of my life?" He at least had the decency to look hurt by her words. Bellamy stayed quiet and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly in an effort to calm her erratic heart.

"It's been three years." She hated how her voice broke over four simple words but the fact that she could even manage them was good enough for her.

"I know," he replied softly while he turned away from her to sit down on the bed. His elbows rested on his knees and the way his head hung only made her feel worse.

Where was the yelling? The fighting? _That_ she could handle. She was used to blowing up on him and getting it right back, but this? The sadness that she wasn't entirely sure was real? She couldn't remember a time when she'd seen Bellamy look so spent. She wanted to hug him or kiss him again and that immediately reverted her back to angry. He was not allowed to invoke those kinds of feelings in her anymore. "You don't get to act like that," she told him harshly. "I thought I would never see you again. You promised you were never going to enter that town again, so what the hell were you thinking when came back to play hero?"

In an instant she saw his walls build themselves back up until he was wearing nothing but a cocky smirk. "I was thinking someone had to save your ass from a collapsing house. If anything you should be thanking me."

"Is that what the kiss was for? You wanted a thank you?" She asked with venom. "Fuck you. I didn't ask for your help." Even though she would have been dead without it, she didn't think that would help her argument to point it out to him. "How could I ask when you disappeared off the face of the earth? I also find it hard to believe you cared enough to drop into town after three years to save me from something no one knew was going to happen."

"I do c-"

"If you say care I swear I will punch you!" He rolled is eyes seeming amused. Was it his fucking goal to get her to explode with rage? "If you cared you wouldn't have moved and taken Octavia with you. If you cared you would have shown up to the funeral. You wanted to save me? Well you could have saved me from the pain of having to walk up to my father's empty coffin alone. But you didn't care enough, that's what you said before you left right?" It wasn't actually the words he had used and she wondered if he would call her out on it.

He didn't. The arrogant look fell and he ran a hand tiredly over his face. "I don't want to fight about this."

Clarke practically growled out her next words. "I don't care what you want. I have no idea where I am, why I'm here, or why you really left in the first place. I at least deserve a little yelling!"

"What do you want me to say?" He exploded. Finally. Some kind of reaction out of him.

"Something. Anything! You're still only thinking about yourself! _You_ walked out of my life without any form of explanation and you want me to what? Pretend it never happened? Pick up where we left off? No! I'm confused and I'm angry and I want some goddamn crystal clear answers!"

He stayed silent watching her chest heave before he stood up and looked her in the eyes. They were cold, distant. The same eyes she had been met with the last time they were together. "I don't have any. I left and I came back. That's it so move on."

She winced at his insensitive tone. How was she just supposed to move on? He had been everything to her once. She'd spent all day thinking about him and even when she was with him she was thinking about what they would do the next time she saw him. For years they hardly spent a minute apart and she loved it. _Loved him_. But this guy, the frigid and brutal man standing in front of her she didn't know. He wasn't her Bellamy. I was like a kick to the stomach to consider that maybe her Bellamy was gone the moment he walked away from her. Maybe this was the only version of Bellamy that was left. It set her on edge that in the end; at least she had some form of him standing there at all.

She didn't want to acknowledge the underlying meaning of that truth so she gave him a petty jab. "I see something hasn't changed since the last time I saw you. You're still an asshole."

He rolled his eyes and started toward the door. "And you still don't know when to keep your mouth shut."

It was a low blow that sent pain straight to her heart.

_I love you_.

Those three little words she had said to him before she could even realize they were out of her mouth. Her heart clenched painfully remembering what he had replied with right before walking out of her life.

_I don't_.

"Everything is easy for you isn't it?" Clarke was relieved that the fractured feeling wrapping around her heart didn't present itself in her voice. It was easy enough for him to avoid the heartbreak because the feelings had never been there for him in the first place.

Bellamy paused and she continued. "It's so easy for you to shut down your emotions. Easy for you to forget about one thing and move on to the next. Easy for you not to care about who you're hurting in the process."

He turned around slowly with a fire brimming behind those dark eyes. She doesn't know whether to feel thankful that he was showing some kind of real emotion or afraid of how infuriated he looked. "If you think that any part of the past three years of my life have been easy your wrong. Do you honestly think that after everything we've been through, after growing up together, that it was easy for me to look you in the eyes and say goodbye even though I could see you're heartbreaking?"

"But you still did," she pointed out. "In fact you basically threw it in my face."

A frustrated hand reached up into his hair to tug on it. "Because I had to!" The confusion on her face was evident and she took a step in his direction but he waved her off angrily and pointed at her. "If I could have stayed with you I would have. If I could have left Octavia with you I would have let her stay. I hate that we weren't there to go with you to your father's funeral, but you're not the only person who lost somebody. Jake was a father to me. I wanted to be there."

"Then why weren't you?"

"Because I made promises that I had to keep!"

That made her hesitate. What did that mean? She reached forward and placed a hand lightly on his arm, feeling his muscles tense underneath her fingers. "Who did you make them to?"

He didn't say anything and she had to squeeze his arm in order to grab his attention. He looks up at her, eyes searching for something she couldn't place. After a moment of suffocating silence the words finally stumbled out of his mouth. "Your dad."

Seconds turned into minutes. Before she even realized what was happening his hands were brushing wetness from her cheeks.

"Please don't cry."

Was she crying? Nobody had mentioned her father to her in years but it shouldn't have made her burst out in tears. No, this was different. This was the fact that the reason she lost the most important people in her life was because of her father. And no one had bothered to tell her.

"When?" Clarke choked out eventually.

"About six months before he died and again a week before."

"What was the promise?"

He pulled his hands away from her face, stepping away from her to give himself or her space she wasn't sure.

She looked at him in disbelief, the tears falling harder. "The hell it doesn't. Bellamy, he was my dad. Whatever this was or is, includes me. I have to know."

He shook his head, running a hand softly over her tangled hair. "All you need to know is that your father loved you more than life. He would have done anything to make sure you were safe."

She understood instantly, at least a part of it. Bellamy hadn't left in order to hurt her; he'd left to protect her because her father had asked him to. She wanted to ask him what they were trying to protect her from because it obviously had something to do with where ever he had brought her but she was sure that he wouldn't tell her. Instead she asked, "Because he asked you to? That's why you left, right? He made you promise to keep me safe."

"It was only a part of it," he answered softly.

"And here I thought you came back because you wanted to see me," she quipped sarcastically to cover her hurt and let him pull her into a tight embrace as he chuckled without humor. It didn't mean that she forgave him for leaving but she was smart enough to know that there was more to the story. She wanted to comprehend, she deserved to know, but now she might not be as ready as she presumed. She let him hold her because he'd always had a way of making her feel safe and three years or thirty couldn't have changed that. It occurred to her that Bellamy very well could have been the last person to see or talk to her dad. It couldn't have been a simple coincidence that he warned Bellamy to protect her just a week before he died.

"He knew, didn't he?" she mumbled into his shirt before pulling away. "My dad knew he was going to die. You both did."

It wasn't really a question and he didn't give her an answer, but he didn't have to. She could tell by the look in his eyes. He went over to the dresser to pull out some clothes and placed them in her hands. "Why don't you take a shower and come down stairs when you're ready."

Clarke nodded and watched him leave the room. That's exactly what she needed. To take a shower and wash away the remnants of today. To grasp the fact that whatever she thought she knew about her father may be a lie. To come to an understanding that she Bellamy might not entire deserve the anger she had toward him. She had a strong feeling she was going to need this time to clear her head some if she wanted to make it through week. Her life was about to get a lot more complicated, but at least this time she wouldn't be completely alone.

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**I'm glad that I could get this out before leaving for Seattle tomorrow. I hope you all enjoyed it and thanks for the reviews. They really help me out when writing. I also have a tumblr where I post these and other updates. **_My-timeless-heart_.


	4. Holding On

_**Sorry about the wait. I was in Seattle for the weekend then I got a promotion and have been working double shifts to cover my training and what not. Anyway, as always thanks for reading and reviews are welcome. Enjoy!**_

**_tumblr: my-timeless-heart_**

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~BELLAMY~

Bellamy silently glanced over his shoulder for the thousandth time in the past hour. His sighed internally. It would still be at least another twenty minutes before Atom arrived. Then he could finally be out of the house and the stifling air swirling around everyone inside of it.

His eyes swung around the kitchen to the others. Octavia was stood beside him while they silently prepared dinner. Charlotte sat up on the bar coloring and Clarke was stoically reading _The Beautiful and the Damned_ from the only chair in the living room that was in full view of the kitchen.

It had been three days since she'd woken up and she hadn't so much as spoken a word to anyone in the house. She had been surprised to see Charlotte when she did finally join them downstairs but that was the most emotion he'd seen from her since their argument. Clarke barely moved from that chair, reading book after book, each and every one centered around one general idea. Broken love stories. He was beginning to wonder if she was doing all of this just to spite him because it was working. She was driving him insane.

He wasn't used to this kind of reaction out of her. Their dynamic had never before been the kind of calm before the storm situation. The argued, they screamed, they had some amazing make up sex. He nearly groaned at the thought.

He never should have kissed her but he was so relived to see her alive and standing there that he just did it without any thought of the consequences. Now everything was just that much more difficult because he was an idiot who couldn't keep his hands to himself. Of course then he had to make it worse by acting like an asshole to cover up the fact that his feelings were threatening to split him apart. It didn't help that her clothes had basically been ripped to shreds and she'd been wearing his for the last couple days. It was bringing back a primal satisfaction that he had no right to feel.

He glanced over at the clock again before looking back at Clarke's small frame curled up in the chair. Even now it was apparent that she was so different from anyone he'd ever met. How many girls would spend all day reading book after book rather than getting on the Internet when they had nothing else to do? On top of that he knew for a fact that Octavia had gotten Atom to stock the bookshelf with an abundance of trashy romance novels. Clarke wasn't interested in those; she didn't even linger for a second on them when deciding which would be her next book. She was all about the classics. Fitzgerald. Hemmingway. Plath. Emerson.

It had always been something that he admired about her. Since they were younger she was always finding away to educate herself. She was smarter than most and he found it incredibly sexy. He rolled his eyes at the direction his thoughts had taken him again. He knew he couldn't resist her; he'd spent years trying before finally realizing that it was impossible. He loved her and he knew having her so close again was going to mess with him head, but he no longer had the luxury of letting his mind be distracted. He needed to focus but with her just sitting there, being emotionless, infuriating, and gorgeous, his thoughts couldn't even be bothered to hold themselves together.

He was so screwed.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and finished chopping the vegetables before setting the plate down beside the stove where Octavia has begun to place some chicken into a frying pan.

"Bellamy?" He immediately looked up to where Charlotte had stopped coloring and was now focused on him.

This was the first time she had spoken since Clarke had been here. He was getting worried but now understood that she was probably just uncomfortable with someone new living in the house.

"Yes?"

"Is she your girlfriend?" she asked, peeking over at Clarke.

Both Octavia and Clarke looked over at him but he did his best to avoid their stares. "No," he answered after a pause.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

"How?"

This little girl may barely speak more than twenty words in one day but he would never confuse her with being stupid or inattentive. Being quite seemed to give her time to observe everything that was happening around her, but how did he explain something this messed up to her? She was only a little girl who he couldn't expect to understand that even when you loved someone it didn't mean you belonged together. That no matter how bad you wanted something, sometimes you have to live without it if that's what is best for them. That sometimes loving someone meant letting them go.

He didn't realize how long he had been quietly in his own thoughts when he heard Clarke speak. "Bellamy doesn't have girlfriends."

He could hear the bitterness in her tone and the insinuation behind it. Octavia kept her head down while continuing to cook as if she hadn't heard a thing. He didn't blame her for not wanting to play a part in the disaster that had become Clarke's and his relationship.

"But why?" Charlotte asked, almost seeming annoyed. "She's pretty and she seems nice and she's reading smart books. My dad told me that when a girl is pretty and smart and nice then you should make her your girlfriend."

He reached up to run a hand through his hair, tugging it a little bit at the end. He shifted uncomfortably and looked over at Clarke expecting her glare to be set on him but she was looking at Charlotte with a strange expression on her face. Almost amused but slightly wondrous. "Sometime there is more to it than that. There are other things that play a part in relationships."

"Like love?"

"Yeah," he answered almost breathless. "Like love."

"So she's not your girlfriend because you don't love her?" She wondered innocently. It was clear that she really just wanted to understand their dynamic. She wasn't aware of how hard a conversation like this was to discuss between two people let alone four.

Bellamy pulled at the collar of his t-shirt feeling suddenly hot. He looked around the room not knowing what to do. Two pairs of eyes were looking at him expectedly while the last pair had fallen down to continue reading. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Any way that he answered there would only be consequences on his part. If he said he didn't love her it would be an outright lie and he had promised himself to avoid lies as much as possible where Charlotte was concerned. However if he said that he did love her, would he be giving Clarke false hope? They were doomed from the start and as far as he was concerned their future would be filled with nothing but fire and smoke.

He would never be able to give her the kind of life that she wanted. The kind of life filled with white picket fences, children playing tag in the yard, and puppies running around their feet. He didn't have the means to make that happen no matter how much he wanted to. He didn't even know if he would live past the next week let alone be able to promise her a future.

Bellamy was thankful that he didn't have to answer the question when one of the lights near the kitchen flashed red. He took the opportunity to distract himself by checking the monitor near the back door and pulling up the cameras on the small screen. The image cut around different perimeters of the property before falling onto a black car pulling up to the back of the house. Atom was blessedly early.

"Atom's here," he directed toward Octavia.

She nodded and tensed.

Confusion fell over his frame as he made his way to his sister who was once again busying herself with dinner. Her form was rigid, as if she was doing everything in her power to stay calm. It was so unlike her to do this before something as little as shopping. "Hey, what going on?"

"Nothing," she replied, not even bothering to look in his direction.

"It doesn't seem like nothing." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Its just a little grocery shopping, in then out. We'll be fine."

She shook her head, finally looking up at him. "This isn't about that. I'm not worried about you guys being spotted. Its just things here are going to be…uncomfortable." She took a deep breath and glanced over her shoulder. Bellamy didn't need to follow the line of her eyes to know where she was looking. He hadn't been the only one on the receiving end of Clarke's cold shoulder.

"Hey," he told her reassuringly. "She'll come around. She just needs some time. I know it's hard but we've been through worse than facing a little social problems, yeah?"

She nodded and went back to cooking. He could tell that she didn't believe him and the question that had often come up in his own head. _What if she never forgives either of us and this is the only version of Clarke that we get? _Well, that wasn't good enough for him. He'd never known Clarke to be the kind of girl to wallow in self-pity. And if she was acting like this just to punish him then fine, so be it, but Octavia didn't warrant it. She wasn't given the choice to stay when he packed them up to leave and he was going to make sure that Clarke knew that.

Bellamy was telling Charlotte goodbye just as Atom entered the kitchen. He made her promise to be good for Octavia even though he knew he didn't have to before giving her a swift kiss on the forehead and making his way over to Clarke.

"Can we talk for a minute?" He didn't give her time to answer before walking further into the room where they would be in safe hearing distance from the others. He was pleased to see that she put up little resistance in following after him.

"You're leaving," she stated quietly. He nodded. "For how long?"

"A few hours," he answered. He didn't go into why they were leaving and she didn't ask. Silence stretched between them, so different from the sound of Octavia and Atom laughing from the kitchen. He could always count on Atom to have her in a good mood when everything seemed to be falling to shit. "That's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well?"

"I want you to stop ignoring Octavia." Her blue eyes darkened with rage but he continued before she had the chance to open her mouth. "You're still angry and you have every right to be, but you want to take your anger and spite out on someone then that person is me. Just me."

"How can you say that?" she protested with a shake of her head. "Octavia was my best friend too and you both left me. Even if it was for a promise that you refuse to tell me about, you both lied and left me."

"Octavia never did," he continued calmly, glad she wasn't yelling so they could keep this conversation between them. "She didn't know about anything, she still doesn't know very much. By the time I decided to leave she wasn't given a choice to stay or not. Clarke, she loved you." She looked up at him and he could see that she wanted to believe him. It gave him confidence that at least if she could never forgive him for what he had done than at least her and Octavia could mend things between them. "You were her best friend and trust me she did everything in her power to try and contact you the first year, but I wouldn't let her. I explained enough for her to understand that we were doing what we did in order to protect you. After she figured that out she was willing to let go of her own hurt if it meant you were safe."

"What do you want me to do?" Her tone was soft and filled with emotion.

"I'm not asking you to be best friends again, but I think talking might be a good place to start."

Her eyes locked in on his until he was drowning in a sea of indecision. He didn't want to have to worry the entire time he was gone that Clarke would be tearing his sister apart with words she didn't deserve. Eventually she gulped and nodded. His hand reached for hers almost on instinct before he pulled it away.

This was so difficult for him. Having her so close but being unable to follow the way he was used to acting around her. Things were so ridiculously fucked up and he had no clue how to even begin to rebuild the trust they once had between them. He turned away to leave but she reached out to stop him.

Her fingers brushing against his in what could hardly be considered any type of grasp, but the gesture had flames dancing over his hand. A knot formed in his throat when he looked back to see that her eyes weren't focused on him but at there barely touching fingertips. Could she hear his pulse skyrocketing?

The chemistry was still between them, there was no denying that, but they would need a lot more than chemistry to fix the broken pieces that were separating them.

"Maybe I could talk to Charlotte too. She doesn't talk very much."

Her voice, barely above a whisper causes a memory of them to flood his senses. Them laying on her bed, a little past two in the morning, moonlight streaming in through the window.

_Just because she doesn't talk back, doesn't mean she isn't listening. _

It was the first time he realized how deeply she put her heart into helping the people she cared about. She was only fifteen at the time and he was already twenty but it was the defining moment in their relationship. That moment she finally helped him understand the pain he was feeling over his mother's death was the first moment he realized that he could fall in love with her. And just a few short months after that he realized he already had.

"Stay safe," she said him when he doesn't respond. Clarke pulled her fingers away and went to sit back in her chair although she doesn't pick up the book. Instead she chose to watch him as he tried not to stumble unfocusedly into the kitchen, watched as he took the water Octavia handed to him and Atom, watched as he hugged his sister before following his friend out the door. As they made their way to the car he recalled something his mother once told him.

_Even if it seems like everything is falling apart, remember there is always hope._

And then Bellamy feels himself so something he hadn't done in years.

He smiles.

A real, genuine, honest-to-god smile.


	5. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**_Okay, first off I want to thank everyone for reading my story and the amazing reviews and messages that you have been sending me. I love writing and its nice to be able to share that with all of you wonderful people. Also I've been working a lot so I apologize for the delay in updating. However, I did make it a little longer than intented in order to make amends. Enough of that, though. Enjoy the chapter and please review!_**

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~CLARKE~

Clarke watched as Octavia made her way silently back into the kitchen, busying herself by putting away what was left over from dinner. The silence between them was thick and awkward. So different from the way things used to be. She sighed.

The second she met Octavia back when they were twelve and thirteen she know them becoming anything but best friends was never even considered as an option. Their time together was filled with giggles, secrets, and mindless chatter. Looking back on their friendship she couldn't even recall if they had ever had a real argument. Octavia was the best friend she ever had, the _only_ one if she didn't count Bellamy (who had far surpassed the line of friendship a long time ago).

If Bellamy was being truthful about Octavia having just as much power as her when it came to their departure then Clarke's anger had been misdirected these past couple of days. If Octavia had really tried to contact or at least keep in touch with her than could she really blame her for leaving? The answer was no and she was well aware of that.

It was obvious that the right thing to do was to make up and move on but it had come harder than she expected. She'd been trying to figure out the best way to bring up a conversation that could either salvage their friendship or destroy it once and for all since Bellamy and his friend had left, but she kept hesitating on the fact that she didn't really know who Octavia Blake was anymore. The Octavia she knew would never have ignored a problem staring her straight in the face. The Octavia she knew would never have been so deadly quiet for such an extended period of time. She never used to be able to shut her mouth for even a minute.

But not knowing Octavia wasn't enough to keep her from trying to get to know her again. They needed to work this out. If not for the sake of friendship then for the fact that she couldn't handle shutting everyone out forever. The thought was exhausting enough and Octavia was a good place to start. Everything between them had always come so easy, unlike her and Bellamy, and right now more than anything she longed for something to be like it used to be. If she could make up with Octavia than the rest would come with time. She could do this. She just needed to start with something simple.

"Is Charlotte alright?"

Octavia looked up startled, nearly dropping the pan of chicken in her hands. "I, um…yeah. Yeah, she's um just taking a bath before she gets ready to go to bed."

Clarke nods and once again there is nothing but silence as Octavia shoved the extra food into the fridge. She had to admit it wasn't the best conversation starter considering they had so many things to talk about. Before she could even think of what else the two of them could talk about that would lead them into more important matters, Octavia quickly rounded the bar to pull her into a tight hug. She was so stunned that she didn't have the chance to react before Octavia pulled away with a panicked look.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I just haven't seen you in so long and I've spent so much time hoping that I would see you again. Then I did and you won't talk to me and I didn't know if you ever would. And I was just happy that you said something. And I…I just missed you."

Her eyes began watering halfway through her rambling and it just came so normal for Clarke to pull her back into the hug without more thought. Guilt ebbed its way into her body at the sight of her tears. Octavia had never been a crier and even though they had spent years apart she could barely handle the sight, especially considering that she was just happy that she was being spoken to.

"I missed you too."

Octavia pulled away, shaking her head. "You don't have to say it back to make me feel better. Honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again."

"I don't blame you," Clarke offered almost immediately. She didn't want to make Octavia feel worse. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want to push her away. What she wanted was her best friend back.

"All of that gets put on Bellamy, right?"

It wasn't an accusation but more of an educated guess. She didn't lie because there was truth in her words. Even after her talk with Bellamy there was still a lot between them that made her feel as if he was the one to blame for her hurt.

"I'm sorry," Octavia apologized again. "I didn't mean to say that. We don't have to talk about it."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing that if they were going to get past anything then they were going to have to talk. Even about the uncomfortable stuff. "No, it's okay. It's just been a while since we had a heart to heart."

Octavia nodded slowly, wavering. "It just sucks, you know? We all used to be so close but now you practically hate us. "

Clarke had to sit down at the insinuation. She could be angry, she could yell, she could throw things but the idea of hating either of the Blake siblings caused a hole to emerge through her chest. "I don't hate you or your brother."

"You don't?" Clarke disliked that she looked as if she didn't believe her. "How can you not?"

Her words flew out from her with little effort, naturally. "I spent three years angry and upset about what happened then it turns out that I don't know anything about what happened. I thought I hated you both. If not you than I wanted to hate Bellamy but now I can see that I obviously don't."

"What changed?"

She looked up to see Octavia sitting down beside her. She'd honestly forgot how easy the girl got under her skin and how easy it was to just talk to her. "I saw him when he pulled me out of that burning house and I thought I was dreaming. I expected to feel hate or anger at least, but all I really felt was relief." Octavia looked surprised with her reaction. "Don't get me wrong. I'm still pissed and I probably will be until I understand what is actually happening, but your brother is already getting to me." Clarke let out a huff at the sight of Octavia's forming smile. "It's frustrating and so incredibly normal."

Octavia nodded her head in agreement. "You two always had a way of getting under each others skin, especially when you were at each others throats." She let out a laugh, so carefree that Clarke almost felt jealous. "I never knew whether you guys were going to slap each other or make out."

Clarke paled. "What? I wouldn't…I mean we never-"

Octavia waved her off. "Calm down. Bellamy told me about your little slip up."

Her skin suddenly felt heated. Whether it was from embarrassment or irritation, she wasn't sure yet. "Slip up?"

"Yeah. That you two were arguing and were really angry then it just happened." She paused, looking of Clarke a little too intensely. "But it was just a kiss, right?"

It was definitely irritation. Irritation that was bordering on anger. He called whatever they had a slip up? "Right," she answered tightly while shifting in her seat.

Octavia immediately picked up on her change of attitude. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make things weird. It just that the topic of boys hasn't really been something I could talk about lately. And by lately I mean years, not with Bell and Atom always around."

Clarke nodded in understanding, feeling guilty again. "Was that Atom who left with Bellamy?"

"Yeah. I guess you could say they kind of became best friends. He helps out a lot and just so happens to be really hot and an amazing kisser."

Clarke couldn't help but smile. At least some things never changed. "I assume that's something that your brother isn't aware of?"

"If there is one thing that Bell still has, it's his protective nature. If he found out he would probably hang Atom from a tree or something."

Octavia rolled her eyes and she couldn't help but smile, knowing full well what she was talking about. More often than not she had been on the receiving end of his protective nature. "I wouldn't put it past him. Remember the boys we went to homecoming with?"

"You mean the ones he threatened to castrate if they even tries to touch us while dancing?" They both laughed at the memory. "I don't think I'll ever forget the look on their faces."

The two of them were still laughing when Charlotte entered the kitchen clad in a pair of cute sheep pajamas. "I'm done with my bath."

Octavia got off of her chair and moved toward her. "Are you ready to sleep?" Charlotte shook her head. "Well, how about you just lay on the couch while you watch a movie, okay?"

"Okay."

Clarke watched as Octavia pulled a pillow and blanket from a nearby closet to set up a makeshift bed on the couch. She watched Octavia tuck the little girl in and put on some kind of cartoon.

"She's cute," Clarke commented when Octavia returned to her seat in the kitchen. "How old is she?"

"Six. Bell found her on a warehouse raid beside her parents who had been killed. He didn't have it in him to leave her there. She doesn't talk much, in the beginning she only talked to Bell but she's getting better. I think he might have a soft spot for protecting cute blondes."

Clarke rolled her eyes at the playful insinuation behind the words. "So they're close then?"

"I think she feels the most safe when he's around."

She nodded absently. "He has that way about him. He can just make you feel safe in the most terrifying situations."

"That he does," Octavia agreed.

The silence once again stretched between them, but this time there was no room for it to be uncomfortable. It was just quite.

After a minute Octavia spoke up again. "I'm sorry about your dad."

"Octavia-"

"I just never got the chance to say it," she interjected quickly, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. "I just wanted you to know."

"Thank you." Clarke's eyes burned at the statement but she stopped the tears from falling. She didn't want to talk about anything sad so she changed the subject to something a little safer. "So tell me about you and Atom. Are you together?"

Octavia shook her head, seeming grateful for the turn in conversation as well. "No, not really. I guess were just kind of hooking up?" Clarke raised her eyebrows in disbelief. Octavia always had a weakness for hot guys but her feelings usually got the best of her. Relationships had always conquered random hook ups in her book and the thought that it was no longer true kind of made Clarke feel sad for her. Hook ups weren't worth it in the end; she of all people knew that. Octavia seemed to pick up on that and quickly continued, "Don't get me wrong. He's good at distracting me but otherwise there isn't much there between us. He kind of blindly follows Bellamy and sometimes I can tell how fearful he is of getting caught, but I enjoy the company so it's okay."

It must have been hard for Octavia, Clarke decided. For her to be so lonely that she would waste her time hooking up with someone she barely even liked. She could do so much better than sneaking around behind her brother's back with someone she barely liked. Clarke's eyes ran over Octavia's thin frame, dark hair, and hazel eyes. It was so strange sometimes how alike the Blake siblings were without meaning to be. After all, years ago it had been Bellamy sneaking behind his sisters back to roll around the sheets with her best friend. The thought struck her and before she could use her mental filter she blurted out, "So you guys have had sex then?"

She cringed at how demanding it sounded, so protective that Bellamy would have been proud. Octavia however just seemed amused. "No. I'm still a virgin. There aren't a lot of people around and it can get kind of lonely but I still want to make sure that I have strong feelings for the person before it happens."

Clarke almost sighs in relief. Octavia was always the better one between them. "That's a good decision."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Have feelings for the guy you slept with?" Clarke had trouble masking her shock and Octavia immediately apologized. "Sorry. I mean you told me that it happened and I figured you and whoever he was were sneaking around because you didn't want your parents to find out. You never talked about it and I wasn't sure if it was because you were upset it happened or something. That maybe you regretted it."

Did she regret it? Would she regret it knowing that everything bad between them might have been stopped with the absence of that single event? Could she even believe that? The feelings were there long before they finally got their hands on each other, but if they seriously thought things through could she have saved herself from a mountain of heartbreak? She didn't know the answers to her own questions so answered Octavia's instead. "I had feelings for him."

The world seemed to have some sort of vendetta against her because the moment the words slipped out of her mouth Bellamy and Atom entered the kitchen carrying a handful of bags.

"Hey guys," Octavia greeted brightly while Bellamy's eyes caught hers. She knew instantly that he knew the conversation was about him. "How did it go?"

"Fine," Bellamy answered roughly, turning to put groceries away while Atom moved back outside.

Octavia rolled her eyes and lowered her voice to continue the conversation. "So what happened?"

Did she want to discuss this while Bellamy was standing in the same room probably listening in? Her eyes travel toward the living room where she could hear the characters of the cartoon singing some ridiculous song about love at first sight. Were there any such things? She'd been in love before but it hadn't just come suddenly. It was building, intense, destructive, and confusing. Her feeling had been so blinding that she couldn't even think straight, but she never stood a chance against Bellamy Blake. He knew exactly how to play the chasing game and in the end he won while she was left to deal with the consequences.

_He told me about your little slip up._

Clarke raised her voice just enough so that Octavia wouldn't be the only one to clearly hear her words. "I had feelings for him and he told me he didn't. Then he stopped talking to me."

Bellamy visibly tensed while Octavia exclaimed, "What a dick!"

"Yeah," Clarke agreed half-heartedly, tracking Bellamy's movements.

He turned around and fixed her with an icy glare. "Maybe there was a better reason behind what he did. Maybe he was protecting your feelings to keep you from getting hurt."

She stood, ignoring what seemed to be realization dawning on Octavia's features, and returned his glare. "Or maybe he was acting like a coward. I didn't need protecting." Atom entered the kitchen and stopped at the sight to them facing off. "I needed reassurance that my feelings weren't one sided. I needed him to _try_."

"Or, maybe you were too stupid to realize that people have to make sacrifices for the ones they care about. Can you take care of the rest?" Bellamy directed the last sentence to Atom before storming out of the kitchen.

"We'll look after Charlotte and…" but Clarke didn't hear the rest of Octavia's sentence because she was following after him with furious but determined steps.

"You have got to be kidding me!" She nearly screamed as she entered into his room behind him. "Has this just been one colossal joke to you?"

Bellamy slammed the door shut behind her and all but growled. "You want to fight about this Princess, then lower your fucking voice." The gravelly threat has her pushing her back against the door and glowering up at him. Not because she's scared but because his voice has heat spreading through her stomach. It was the voice he used the first time he pushed her over a desk and fucked her until she couldn't see straight. Suddenly she was finding it a lot harder to breath. "I can't deal with you and my sister today."

"You really are a narcissistic asshole," she said pushing him back but staying where she was.

"Please go on," he replied dryly.

She clenched her fists together to stop herself from slapping him. "Where do you get off thinking that you get to make my decisions for me? You didn't want to be in a relationship with me? Fine! I can understand that but you doing it in order to spare my feelings without asking if I wanted those feelings spared is bullshit."

His eyes are almost black and another wave of heat climbed its way over her skin. "I made a choice. I did what I had to do because I knew that when it came down to it you wouldn't be able to. Your emotions would have gotten in the way."

"No," she retaliated. "You made a choice because you didn't trust your own emotions, not mine. If you were confused and you didn't want to be with me than you shouldn't have lead me on."

"If you recall there wasn't a lot of time for discussions with you practically mounting me like a horse at every chance you got."

It's a petty jab that he used to push her further into her anger. She should have ignored it but couldn't deny that it worked. "Fuck you!"

"Isn't that what we were just talking about, Princess?" He sneered not far away from her face.

Clarke hadn't even realized that they had gotten so close together again or that there was an inferno blazing over her body. She was tired of feeling like what happened between them was one sided. Bellamy wasn't the only one who knew a way to provoke the other's anger. "Thank god I got over you," she whispered with venom.

His eyes flashed dangerously across her face and down to where her chest was rising and falling roughly. "Did you?"

The tone of his voice threatened to melt her and it was everything she could to keep her voice from shaking. "That's what I just said."

"It may have been three years but I can still tell when you're lying, just like I can tell when you're turned on." Her breath caught in her throat at the declaration as she watched his eyes trail back up to her face painfully slow. She wanted to respond with something witty or smart or even hurtful. _Anything_ to distract from the wetness forming on her lacey underwear, but she never got the chance.

Bellamy moved forward, hard muscle pressing her soft curves into the wood of the door. His fingers leave sparks in there wake as one hand slowing made it's decent down her arm and over her hip while the other came up to rest against the door next to her head. "Does my sister know that it wasn't just the one time?" Her eyes slid shut of their own accord as his hand finds its way down her thigh. "Does she know that I've fucked you so many times it would be impossible to count?" Her head was swimming and her hand reached up to lay flat against his chest. She didn't push him away or pull him closer. She just felt the line of tight muscles there and the erratic beating of a strong heart.

"Look at me," he growled out and she had no choice but to obey the power he was presenting. His eyes burned into her, burn _through_ her. It was a look that she had seen so many times and just like any of those she was left in no way unaffected. "I remember everything." He yanked her leg over his hip so suddenly, pushing himself right between her legs that she let out an involuntary gasp. His hardness pressed right into her center and it had been so long that she thought she might explode if he moved even an inch. "I remember the way your breath catches when I kiss that spot just behind your ear." His lips pressed against the spot and she felt them curve upward when her breath got caught in her throat. "The way your head tosses when mine is between your legs. The way you say my name when I touch your clit while I'm fucking you."

Her concentration had been shot to hell, which made it easier to ignore the pitiful moan that escaped her mouth. Her hips bucked into his instinctively trying to relieve some of the pressure that was threatening to tear her apart. His hand flexed against her thigh, tightening his grip in an effort to pull her closer. Her hand weaves itself into the short locks on the back of his head as he began a brutal rhythm of trusting his still covered cock into her center. Clarke's so wet that she's certain she must be soaking through the boxer shorts that she had borrowed from him not too long ago. She tried to pull his lips against hers but was met with resistance. He's so close that his breath tickled her lips but she can't actually get him to kiss her. Instantly she knew that it had less to do with him not wanting to and more to do with the fact that he probably wasn't done talking. She could care less if he got out the last word because she was so close to the edge that feeling strongly about anything else was damn near impossible.

"Bellamy," she breathed out, moving the hand that was currently death gripping his shirt down to the button on his pants. He groaned, feeling her fingers come in contact with the skin just above the line of his boxers. She nearly had her hand wrapped around him before the hand resting against the door shot to remove it. Before she could protest, before she could even arrange her features into a scowl, Bellamy bypassed both her shorts and underwear to push to fingers inside her aching core.

They both let out a strangled sound. "You're so wet," he mumbled before his lips met hers in a hard kiss. He didn't have to thrust his fingers inside her to get her off. It had been such a long time but he knew exacting what he was doing to make her fall apart. His fingers curled upward, pushing against the front wall of her sex at the same time his thumb pressed down on her hardened clit until she's coming. A guttural sound ripped from her throat and her eyes slammed shut as she embraced the feeling of being flung over a cliff of gratification.

She wanted to revel in the feeling but it didn't last long enough. Bellamy was back to proving his point, although his voice is a lot huskier than it had been before. "If there's one thing I know it's that you and I are not over. You were mine then and obviously your still mine now."

The color drained from her flushed cheeks, realizing what just happened. Bellamy was making a statement and she had been stupid enough to walk right into it. She used her arms to shove him roughly until he was forced to untangled their bodies, pulling his fingers out of her in the process.

She hated how he thought that he could own her body because he was so good at controlling it, hated that she gave him the satisfaction to think that he could just use her whenever he felt like it, and hated that even as she wanted to disagree with his assertion she could still see the truth behind it. She had always been his, and a thought terrified her even more: that she always would be.

"No," she disagreed, angrily because she would lie her way through anything to make herself come out on top of the situation. _For fucking once_. "If I had been yours than there wouldn't has been anyone else."

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth. There had been others, a couple not to long after he left but she always felt so empty afterwards that it swiftly came to an end. No matter how many guys she was with it was never enough and even then she had a gnawing feeling that it never would be. Because none of them were Bellamy.

The air sizzled between them and his eyes bored into her, daring her to break but she didn't. She let him digest the sentence and rejoiced in the rage that clouded his face. "What did you just say?"

It's a warning for her to stop talking, but the victory in winning this is so close she could taste it. Clarke steeled herself against her own words, as they tasted sour coming out of her mouth. "You can't possibly think you were the only guy in my life. Can't you remember the string of them who used to wait around hoping for a chance when I was in high school? That didn't change just because you decided to leave town. If you think I spent the last three years hung up on you than you're not as smart as I thought you were."

"Stop," he barked, only fueling her fire. "I don't want to hear this."

"Why?" She raised her head boldly, pushing a slim finger into his chest. "Because the truth is painful? Well guess what? I'm not yours, Bellamy. I never was because _you_ made the choice to not let me be. You can't do this anymore. I'm not that same naïve girl you left behind. You don't get to mess with my head anymore. I'm grateful you saved me and are willing to keep me safe, but this," she indicated, waving a hand between them, "this is over. _We_ are over."

Finally saying the words isn't as freeing and satisfying as she had expected. Especially not when he flinched away, burned by her words and she saw something, that she was not proud to say she put there, cross over his features. _Hurt_. She shouldn't feel guilty, not after how many times he's dragged her emotions through the dirt, but now she wished that she could take back every word she just said.

"Point taken," he responded, turning away from her. "You can leave."

"Bellamy-" She moved forward fully intending to apologize, but pulled back at the ice in his voice when he intersected her.

"Just go, Clarke."

Clarke. She was so used to the term princess, whether it was being used to patronize or meant to be endearing, that she now disliked him calling her anything else. Even if it was her name.

Clarke walked out of the room dejectedly, tears swaying in her blue eyes. She was feeling selfish, guilty, and downright like a fucking idiot. Sure she had finally come out on top when it came to their disconsolate past and current _(relationship?) _whatever they were, but at what cost? And if she really did win a victory than why did she feel so damn hollow inside?

* * *

**_Awww! I absolutely love Octavia and I couldn't resist not making the two friends again. I know it seems like Clarke and Bellamy might never get through this but there is still a lot left unsaid and a lot of hurt between them. _**

**_Next chapter:a little bit of action, a little bit of understanding, and a little bit of sex driven frustration._**

**_Until next time my lovelies! _**


	6. That Kind of Look In Your Eyes

**_Here is the next chapter! I tried to get it up a little earlier than usual because I'm training all of next week which means multiple double shifts and no time for anything about sleep. Enjoy!_**

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**~Bellamy~**

_Bellamy_

It was like the breathy voice of a certain blonde was whispering it directly into his ear. Bellamy's fists connected harder with the punching bag he had been taking his anger out on for the last few days. He hadn't left the basement gym since his argument with Clarke. Thankfully Octavia had come to bring him food everyday and Clarke hadn't so much as chanced coming down to speak to him. He was appreciative because he wasn't sure if he could keep his hands to himself long enough to speak to her. He would just stay down here letting his anger out while trying not to think of Clarke. So far it wasn't working.

_Slam._

_ Slam._

_ Slam._

His tape was slipping from the sweat coating his hands, so he slowed his punches and eventually stopped. He made his way over to a nearby table where the extra tape sat along with a towel and began unwrapping the adhesive bandage.

_If I had been yours than there wouldn't have been anyone else._

Bellamy ripped the rest of the tape off roughly and ran the towel over his palms. She was upset with him when she said it and it could have easily been a lie but there was a biting feeling in the back of his mind that maybe it wasn't. He reapplied the tape around his knuckles, a little tighter than normal to keep his mind more on the pressure around his hand than the pain ebbing from his chest.

He made his way back to the punching bag and started up again.

_Right. Left. Right. Left_.

How many guys other than him?

_Slam. _

He hand never thought of himself as a possessive person. Protective of those he care about? Of course. But possessive? Never. Clarke wasn't some object that he could possess but that was the way he had treated her, wasn't it?

_You were mine then and obviously your still mine now. _

Even though he wanted to take it back, he wouldn't have. The moment the words were out he wanted them to be true. Would have given anything not to hear the truth come out of her mouth. He wanted to push her on his bed and bury himself inside her. He wanted to her to give herself over to him. He wanted to posses her.

_Slam._

He was a dick, he knew that. Clarke had always been headstrong and a bit of a feminist so he would never blame her for lashing out. Honestly, he doesn't know what came over him. Most of his life he had been surrounded by girls, tough ones at that, and he knew that they were often times stronger than men. They didn't deserve to be treated like they were any less than what they were, but that is exactly what he'd done. His mind had been so hazed with the fact that she believed he would have just messed around with her for the hell of it. If that wasn't enough than the way her leg was wrapped around him, her hands clutched into him, and how wet she was for him certainly was.

_Slam_.

He groaned in remembrance. His hands slammed into the bag harder. How the hell was he supposed to focus with the image still seared into his head? How was he supposed to stop thinking about her when it was like her tight heat was still wrapped around his fingers?

Maybe he shouldn't have tightened that tape so much.

_God!_ It was like he was back to being twenty again, unable to concentrate on anything when she was around. She accused him of messing with her head but she had completely warped his. He couldn't do this again. The longing, the fighting, the feeling like he was never going to be on the same page as her, and the sex.

Well, maybe the sex. The maddeningly great, amazing, fantastic, lose your self kind of…

He shook his head in annoyance, pushing harder against the hanging weight in front of him. It was like they were right back where they started and it was driving him crazy.

_Because the truth is painful? Well guess what? I'm not yours, Bellamy. I never was because you made the choice to not let me be._

_Slam._

She was right of course. Everything that had been wrong between them had been his doing. The reason he waited so long to act of his feelings had been _his_ fault. The reason they were still falling apart was _his_ fault. The reason she doesn't believe that there was no way he could love her was _his_ fault_._ It was ridiculous to him that she couldn't clearly see that he would tear the world apart for her, but he had told her that he didn't love her. Bellamy had never lied to her before so what choice did she have other than to believe him?

All he had ever wanted was to love her but they never even had the opportunity. The minute he was born there was nothing he could possibly do but destroy her and he hated himself for it.

_Slam!_

A sharp pain shot through his left hand causing him to pull them away from the punching bag to examine it. He wiggled his fingers and found them sore but nothing wrong. Once he was sure, he went back to pouring all his frustration into his punches just as he hears the steps creak.

They weren't the heavy footfalls that Atom had or the steady ones of Octavia or the light tapping of Charlotte running down the steps. They were soft and hesitant and he knew that the only reasonable option was Clarke. Guess his time of avoiding her final ran out.

Maybe if he kept his eyes from meeting hers than he could keep his thoughts from wander to the way her skin felt underneath his hands.

"You going to stand there all day?" He asked without looking up, knowing that she was silently standing there in the doorway.

She doesn't move any closer but she does speak up. "I brought you something to eat."

"Doesn't Octavia usually do that?"

She moved then and there was a sound of a plate being place on the table where his tape is sitting. "I thought Atom was down here with you."

"Why do you need some release that doesn't come from me?" It's a dick move but his emotions are all over the place. Having her so close was making him think of the aching in his chest.

_If I had been yours than there wouldn't have been anyone else_

"Stop."

His fist slammed into the bag. "What? I'm just repeating what you said. We're over, right? You can fuck anyone you want." The words feel like acid in his mouth.

"Is this how it's going to be now?" she asked, but there was no anger like he expected in her voice. It was almost pleading and he punched harder. She wasn't even willing to fight with him anymore, so maybe she really was over him. Fighting had always been a way to get their emotions for each other to surface. If she didn't even care to fight with him than did she really care at all? He never wanted to be subjected to finding out the answer. "Are you going to be mad at me because I told you that I'm not your piece of property?"

The comment hit him deep, reminding him of how much of an asshole he'd been to her. He flinched and put all his weight into his blows against the weighted bag. "You're not a piece of property and I'm not mad at you."

"Then why are you ignoring me?"

He shook his head; mentally telling himself to just keep his mouth shut and not to give her any ammunition she could use against him. It didn't work because really when has he ever done the right thing around Clarke? "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself because you're right," he ground out, throwing a punch with every word. "It's my fault that we were never a couple." _Slam_. "It's my fault that our relationship has turned to shit." _Slam_. "And it's my fault that I only have myself to blame about the fact that I'm not the only guy."

"I'm sorry," she apologized immediately; her voice filled with so much guilt that it made him sick. He wished he were the one getting pummeled rather than the punching bag in front of him. "I shouldn't have said that."

_Slam_.

"Don't apologize." _Slam_. "You said it to show me I'm wrong. It worked."

_Slam. _

_Slam._

_Slam._

"Bellamy, stop! Talk to me."

She laid a hand on his arm softly, flexing her fingers against his skin. He chanced a glance up at the frustrated tone of her voice and immediately regretted it. Storms raged in the depths of her blue eyes.

It was the same look she got before she won an argument.

The same look she flashed when she tried to keep her feelings from exploding out of her.

The same look she wore when her eyes met his as she sucked his cock.

He gritted his teeth, moving his eyes from the punching bag and down to where her hand was touching his heated skin.

"What do you want me to say, Clarke? That I'm hurt? Because I am. That I hate myself for letting you think that everything that has happened between us was just been a way for me to mess with your head? Because I do. That I don't want you to be with anyone else even if you're not with me? Because I don't."

"That's why you won't even look at me."

She said it with such understanding that his body willed him to look up. Regret is etched into her beautiful feature, but it wasn't what he noticed most. The florescent lights of the basement had turn her hair a golden color, her breath quickened so that her chest was rising softly, her electric eyes were lingering on the sweat running down his bare chest, and a red tint was spreading across the porcelain skin of her neck and up into her cheeks. How was he ever suppose to stop wanting her if she kept being so obviously turned on in his presence? The fighting he could take but the reminder of knowing how amazing they felt when they lost themselves in each other was too much.

"No," he responded, immediately detecting the glazed look falling over her eyes at the gruffness in his voice. He ripped his arm away from her in an effort to clear his head and moved to put his discarded shirt on the floor over his head. She was flooding all of his senses and she didn't even realize it. "I can't look at you because every time I do I'm afraid I won't be able to stop myself from throwing you over the next available surface and fucking you until you can't remember anyone's name but mine."

They both stopped breathing as the words hung between them. Her eyes fell over his face, pausing on the freckles dusting his cheeks before they locked in on his lips. He nearly moaned at the indecisiveness that encompassed her features. She was considering his words and it was making the logical side of him muddled. He was ready to grab her and do exactly what he had said when a loud crash sounded overhead followed by a scream.

"Is that-"

"_Octavia!_"

He grabbed Clarke's hand and immediately made his way upstairs, tugging her behind him. She pressed close against his back as they arrived in the kitchen to survey the room. Red lights were flashing; a clear indication that someone was here and by the dead silence it didn't seem to be a friendly visit.

Dred settled into the bottom of Bellamy's stomach. "Octavia! Charlotte!"

"We're here!" Octavia ran into the kitchen holding a shaking Charlotte against her.

Bellamy used his free hand to reach out to them, making sure there was no physical damage. "Are you okay?" he asked them, hoisting Charlotte into his grip with one are while she wrapped her small limbs around his neck. Clarke tried to pull away from him, probably assuming that he needed both arms to carry the girl but he held on tight.

"We're okay," Octavia answered, "but they're here. I don't know how they found us but they did."

It was only a matter of time. You could only out run something for so long before it will catch up with you, but Bellamy would be damned if it happened tonight.

"Who?"

He ignored Clarke's question and instead directed another at his sister. "Where is Atom?"

"Right here." Atom joined the rest of them, carrying two large duffle bags. "I checked the camera's and there is only one car but that doesn't mean there aren't others close behind. I'm not sure we have enough time to get away without being followed."

A look of understanding passed between the two. This wasn't the first time this had ever happened to them although a full confrontation would be something new to add to their list. They needed a distraction, something to give them enough time to get away. Pressure pulsed through his finger and he looked over at Clarke, who was looking up at him with trust he didn't deserve to have, and it nearly made him fall to his knees. His dark eyes passed over the now crying blonde in his arms, to his sister whose own eyes were shining with expectation and what he was certain was concealed panic, and finally they met back to Atom's.

He gave him a small nod. They just needed a distraction. A distraction that could get the three girls to safety. If they didn't survive this there would be no meaning in his life. He had to make a choice. He would do everything in his power to make sure they stayed safe and from the look on his face he could tell that Atom was right there with him. He had to do this even if Clarke ended up hated him more than she already does.

"Take Charlotte." The small girl put up a little resistance before following his guide and moving onto the floor to grasp Clarke's hand in a death grip. Bellamy slipped his own hand from Clarke's and turned to Octavia before she could protest. His sister was already moving the duffle bags over her shoulders and taking the keys from Atom's hands. "Get them to the car. If we are not back in three minutes leave without us. You know what we talked about."

She nodded, tears springing to her eyes. "Be safe." She gave both him and Atom a faltering small before making her way past him to lead Clark and Charlotte to the car.

He reached for the gun that Atom had just pulled from his back holster and waited for him to pull another out from where he knew he had one hidden under his pant leg. "Ready?"

"No!"

He barely made it a step before Clarke shot out in front of him, effectively stopping him by pushing a flaming hand against his chest with enough force to momentarily knock the wind from his lungs. The strength behind her push seemed to take her by surprise as well, considering her eyes flickered down to her hand for just a second. "You can't just go out there!"

"Clarke-" Octavia tried but the stubborn girl in front of him just shook her head demandingly.

"No. I'm not going to let you go out there to die!"

They didn't have time for this. The vehicle would be approaching the house any minute and he wasn't going to let her die. He pulled her off to the side while the others hung back. "Princess, we don't have time for this."

"They could kill you!"

"For the love of God! Will you just listen to me for once and go?"

"But Bellamy-"

"No," he commanded with a stern voice, grabbing her shoulders to make sure he had her full attention. "You are going to go with Octavia. I know you don't understand it but if anything happens you are the one who needs to stay alive. They need you to be safe. _I need you to be safe_. Okay?" She nodded so helplessly, and he immediately decided it was a look he could go lifetimes without seeing it on her again. "There is a place programmed into the GPS of the car. It will take you were you need to go and there will be someone there to explain to you what is going on more than I ever could."

"You better come back and take us there yourself," she whispered heatedly. He let out a small grin at her stubbornness, ready to move away. In an instant she reached out to clutch his face tightly between her fingers before pressing her lips hard against his. He met her with equal force, hand wrapping around her waist to pull her closer as he heard Octavia snicker.

"About damn time."

Just as quickly as the kiss had started it was over. Clarke pulled away from him, her sapphire sparkling with fortitude. "You better return to me Bellamy Blake or so help me God I will make you regret it."

She rushed over to take one of the duffle bags from Octavia and pulled Charlotte close to her side. The sound of an engine out front cut off at the same time his girls disappeared back down to the basement where there was a tunnel that would covertly lead them to the garage.

He looked over to see Atom raise his gun with his eyes trained on the door and a smirk falling over his face. "If these guys don't kill you she sure will."

Bellamy aimed the gun at the front door; ready for what ever they were about to face and formed a smirk of his own. Clarke was a force of nature all on her own. She was a tsunami wave ready destroy everything he had become and pull him under. That final look of her tempestuous eyes told him she would make sure to have him unraveling at her feet.

In fact, he was counting on it.

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**_Thank you all for reading and please review or feel free to message me if you have any questions!_**

**_Tumblr: my-timeless-heart_**


	7. If the World Doesn't End First

~CLARKE~

The girls didn't wait three minutes like instructed, but five. The longest five minutes of Clarke's life. Her emotions were strewn all over the car. Bellamy was a fucking idiot. Honestly she'd rather take her chances out running whoever was after them with him by her side than let him die in order to stay safe. She wanted to punch him but she kissed him instead. They were a disaster, they always had been, but she would be damned if she let him get killed before they even had a chance to figure anything out. Bellamy Blake had always been her future and after everything that had gone wrong between them those thoughts hadn't changed in the slightest. She wanted him in her life anyway she could have him and she never realized how deeply it went until she was walking away from him. She could let go of their past failure. She could stop pushing him away and maybe in turn he would let her in. _She could forgive him_.

Clarke paused. She already had.

There was no denying how well they worked together; even when they fought it was like a well-executed dance between them. He knew how to raise her temperature with a simple sentence, had her skin crawling with one look, and had her melting into a puddle with a barely there touch. If she never got the chance to feel that again she would go insane.

He kept her stable.

He knew just how to twist her emotions.

Bellamy made her feel _alive_.

She knew life without him and she didn't want to experience it again. It was strange how one minute she could bury all of her feelings under a steel encased lock box in the deepest parts of her and in the next she wanted to let them free. Clarke wanted nothing more than to move forward and stop living a lie. She loved Bellamy more than anything back when she was a teenager, and even though she denied it he had been right. She was still his because despite the hurt he caused her, she still loved him. She _loved_ him and the only thing she could think about was that she didn't tell him.

Maybe it was facing another rejection that stopped her from saying it to him but it shouldn't have. Things were different, _they_ were different. She could remember that day like it was yesterday, how he shut down her feelings for him and walked away. Maybe she had been blinded by grief, maybe it was his flat out dismissal of her begging him to stay, maybe that was why she couldn't see it as clearly as anything she'd ever known. She had told him she loved him because she never had a doubt about his feelings for her and assumed he would say it back, that it would make him stay. He didn't say it but that didn't mean he meant it, that he still might mean it.

Her stomach twisted. If he made it back to her she would make sure that they fixed everything between them and even if it took them twenty years they would get on the same page as far as their feelings were concerned. She would make sure of it.

Clarke's attention drifted toward the clock lit up on the dash before meeting Octavia's hazel eyes. Their five minutes were up. Bellamy and Atom weren't back.

The car was already running, the garage was already open, and they had just been waiting for the signal. Their signal had just arrived and they both knew it. Clarke looked over her shoulder to Charlotte. The little girl was curled up in the middle seat, tears silently falling down her small face. She was so tiny, _so fragile_, for a six-year-old girl. Clarke promised herself she would do everything in her power to keep Charlotte safe, but she had to wonder if it was because that's what Bellamy would have wanted her to do or if it was because she saw herself in Charlotte.

Small, blonde, and much to innocent to deal with the life she'd been handed by herself. Clarke never wanted her to find out how it felt to truly be alone.

"We have to leave," Octavia said quietly, causing Clarke to look over at her.

Her hand hovered over gearshift as if she was fighting every instinct in her body to take it. Clarke wasn't the only person who was going to take it hard when it came time to realize that Bellamy would never return to them. Every person in this car depended on him. _They needed him._

Clarke looked to the door as Octavia slowly started backing out of the garage. Almost in slow motion the door swung open and a tall frame came running through. "Wait!" Her arm flew out toward Octavia who immediately put the breaks on the car. Her heart stilled as they waited a few seconds for the figure to move out of the darkness.

Wide shoulders, short hair, and a jaw that could cut glass. Her heart raced in a way that only one person had ever been capable of doing to her. "Move!" Clarke shouted, pushing the gearshift back into park as Bellamy made his way over to driver's side.

Octavia climbed over the center console to sit in the back next to Charlotte as her brother threw himself into the driver's seat. The car tore away from the house under Bellamy's experienced driving.

Clarke struggled to calm her heart as she kept her eyes trained on Bellamy, attempting not to notice things that were so glaringly obvious. She was beyond relieved because he was here and she was sure she wouldn't have to figure out a way to deal with anything without him, but tension filled the space between everyone in the car. There were three things to consider.

One: Bellamy was stoic almost as if in a daze.

Two: he had blood everywhere; it was streaking his hair, smeared across his tan complexion, _soaking_ his shirt.

And three: Atom was no longer with him.

Clarke kept her eyes on his face for a long time. It wasn't until she glanced out of the window to see them far from any sign of woods that Octavia's voice filled the car. "Is Atom…?"

"I'm sorry, O."

The girls' eyes met in the review mirror. Octavia could have convinced her a million times over that she hadn't been in love with Atom, but it was clear that she cared about him. She broke their eye contact and turned her eyes to her window. Clarke felt her heart fracture when she saw Charlotte move closer to Octavia and grab her hand. Blue eyes moved back to the man beside her. Octavia had mention that Atom and Bellamy had become nothing short of best friends; in fact they seemed to be practically brothers. Another thought invaded her mind. Did Bellamy have to witness the death of someone he saw as a sibling?

She received her answer when she caught sight of his hand. The one he wasn't using to drive with that sat in his lap was shaking. She wondered briefly how much pain for herself and the people around her she could contain before it broke her apart. She wanted nothing more that to tell him they would be okay even if she knew it wasn't the truth. They were far from using okay as a way to describe their current situation.

It was evident that he didn't want to talk or even focus on anything but driving. So she did the only thing she could think of to comfort him. Clarke reached over and gripped his hand tight.

His bronzed hand was so large that she couldn't even wrap her dainty fingers all the way around it. He didn't look away from the road but eventually the muscles in his body began to relax. He shifted their hands to intertwine their fingers together, pulling them to rest against his knee.

It wasn't much but at least it was something.

* * *

Clarke hadn't even realized she fell asleep until she was being shaken awake. She wiped her tired eyes and looked over to Bellamy's strong form leaning against her open car door. There was so many bright lights that she was having trouble trying to locate where exactly they were. "Are we here?"

He shook his head. "I'm too tired to drive anymore and we still have another five hours of driving. I figured that we could all do with some sleep that wasn't in the car. Come on, Octavia and Charlotte are already in the room."

He stepped aside as she dragged herself out of the car. Her eyes finally adjusted to see they were in the parking lot of a motel. It wasn't the most run down place she'd ever seen but then again it was no five star resort.

_Had he checked them in still covered in blood?_

She followed Bellamy up a set of stairs to the second floor and a room on the every end of the walkway. Octavia was pulling clothes for everyone out of one of the duffle bags when they entered the room while Charlotte patiently sat on one of the beds.

The room was small. Two beds with awful floral print comforters, a desk close to the window, a chest of drawers with a TV on top of it in front of the beds, and a door in the far corner that most likely lead to the bathroom.

"I'm going to take a shower," Bellamy told them, taking his clothes from Octavia's outstretched hands. He disappeared through the door in the corner and Octavia handed her some clothes next.

"When did you pack?" Clarke asked her as Octavia began to help Charlotte out of the jeans she was wearing.

"A couple weeks ago," she answered, steadying the little girl beside her while she changed into her pajamas. "I knew we were going to end up leaving soon and it's always good to be prepared." Octavia went back to the duffle bag and paused. Clarke had to lean over to see what she held in her hands. A man's shirt that looked too small to fit Bellamy's muscular chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." She shoved the shirt to the bottom of the bag and pulled out her own shirt.

Since they had just recently mended their relationship, Clarke gave her the silence she clearly wanted. Octavia wasn't ready to talk and it made her curious to how big of a part Atom had played in her life even though they weren't really dating. She turned her back to them to pull off her jeans and replace them with a pair of flannel pants that were too big. Bellamy had gotten her some clothing on his trip out to get groceries but she didn't have more than two pairs of jeans and a pair of sweats; a pair of sweats that she'd left in the bathroom that morning.

Guess it was back to borrowing Bellamy's clothes since she was too curvy to fit into the clothes that hid Octavia's wiry frame.

She turned around to see that Octavia had also changed into more comfortable clothing and she put her extra shirt back into the duffle. Clarke figured keeping her long sleeved shirt would fair better against the wind outside. She had just woken up and wasn't sure she could fall back asleep so soon. "I'm going to step outside and get some fresh air. Are you guys going to be fine in here?"

"Yeah."

Clarke grabbed one of the motel keys that were sitting on the dresser and closed the door behind her. She decided it was best if she didn't go far so she just moved to rest her elbows on the railing across from their room. Her eyes trailed over the expanse of the parking lot without really seeing anything.

How had she gotten to this place in her life? What she would have given to re-experience the lightweight innocence of being a fourteen year old again. At fourteen she didn't know what real grief meant, she had never experienced true heartbreak, she never had crazy people running after her and lighting houses on fire. Bellamy hadn't said the words but she knew that they were after her. She was putting everyone in danger.

Maybe he was right to leave her the first time. Maybe he should have never found her again. She was nothing if not problematic. It seemed that her life now revolved around pain and destruction. She was the embodiment of a disaster, her life and her feelings both.

It was clear that Bellamy would do anything to keep her safe, even if it meant getting himself killed. The thought made her stomach drop until her feelings scattered all over the pavement of the dingy motel. She didn't want to be the cause of any of his pain even though he had been the cause of so much of hers. If she weren't so selfish she would have taken her chances running as far away from the Blake's and Charlotte as possible, but she didn't have the strength to walk away from him. Years ago she would have considered herself a strong person but time away from Bellamy had made her weak. They were stronger together and nothing but death would be able to change that. She hoped that she would never have to find out. She also wished that she were more of an optimist so she could actually believe that.

She had no clue where they were going or what she would have to face in the future. She didn't have a direction or even a compass to point her the right way. She was following Bellamy blindly into the unknown. Even though the thought terrified the shit out of her she trusted him to make sure she didn't lose herself along the way. She was so back and forth with her thoughts she was astonished that she hadn't received whiplash yet.

She was all over the place when really all she wanted was to be beside Bellamy. Being near him was easier. It let her think of something other than the terrible things happening even if it was their muddled relationship. He made her feel safe.

"You shouldn't be out here."

She almost smiled when he moved to stand beside her, enough for his body heat to distract her from the sudden chill the night air had taken on. She used to think that he had some kind of sixth sense to knowing what she needed. Sometimes it used to annoy her to no end but right now she was grateful for it. "And you should be sleeping."

Out of the corner of her eye she watched him shake his head at her attempted teasing. "I can't sleep knowing you're out here alone."

The seriousness in his tone made her want to shake her own head. Although, she couldn't blame him. He had enough anxiety plague him for today. "Sorry. I just needed a little time out I guess."

He nodded but let silence fall around them. She turned to lean her hip against the railing so she could look over his form. He kept his eyes trained on the open land around the motel even though she was sure by the way his shoulders tensed that he could feel her eyes on him.

She wanted to talk to him, wanted to know so many things. She'd kept him at such a distance these past few of weeks that she hadn't bothered to ask him what he'd been doing for the past three years. Was he always living like this; on the run, constantly looking over his shoulder, worrying he was going to be caught? How often had he come so close to his own death without her around? How many people had he seen die?

She'd never seen anyone die and wasn't so sure how true that statement would still be by the end of the week. "I need you to tell me the truth," she told him softly, keeping her eyes trained on his high cheekbones. How many times had she tried to count those freckles only to lose focus and start again? "Everything you did, pushing me away and leaving, it didn't have anything to do with your feelings for me did it?"

She should have been more scared to learn the answer, that maybe when he told her he didn't love her it had been the truth, but she was tired of walking on pins and needles where their feelings were concerned. If there really was nothing to his feelings, although she was finding that harder to believe with every minute that passed, than she deserved at least a little closure. Closure that she desperately wanted to not face.

Bellamy closed his eyes, squeezing them tight, a vein in his neck was becoming more prominent. "No," he whispered so inaudibly that she had to convince herself she heard him at all.

Her heart rate picked up, oxygen rushing into her brain. It wasn't an 'I love you' but he didn't need to say the words out loud because she could see it. His dark eyes met hers under the dim lighting of the motel and it made her want to slap herself. For all the nights spent in her room wondering what she did wrong, for trying to goad him into admitting that he cared for her, for ever doubting that after everything that happened in their past she had been nothing more than a game to him. Here and now she was relieved to be convinced that it never had been.

"We're a mess, aren't we?"

He turned toward her, lips pulling up at the corners almost involuntarily. "We always have been."

She smiled back, practically dissolving under his heated gaze. The fondness in his tone made up for the fact that they had no idea how to move forward from there. Where would they be if he had just explained the truth that night rather than leaving to spare her knowledge of whatever he still couldn't explain?

The smile fell from her face because it seemed like every time they were on the same page something presented itself to push them away again. At the end of the day they couldn't fix their relationship until everything was out in the open, until he was no longer keeping anything from her.

"What?" he asked, noting the change in her expression.

"I've been thinking about what you said about making that promise to my dad. Whatever is happening has to involve him and I feel like the reason you don't want to tell me is because it's going to change my view on him." He didn't say anything, looking away from her. She slid her fingers over the cool steel of the railing until they were running back and forth lightly over his. The warm feeling of electricity rushed through her just like it did every time they touched. "I'm done being angry with you. I'm not promising that we're never going to fight again or anything because honestly, _that would be a joke_. I just don't have the energy anymore to pretend that I hate you when I don't. Three weeks ago I was stressing out about my final essays for college and now I'm wondering if I'm even going to make it through tomorrow. I'm just...so scared and I hate it."

He caught her fingers, threading them through his own and waited until she looked up at him to speak. "It's okay to be scared, but I would die before I let anything happen to you."

"That's what scares me."

"We'll make it through this, I promise."

She nodded. "I trust you Bellamy."

"Good." It's only one word but relief poured out of it. "Has this been long enough of a time out?"

She smiled softly and pulled him back to their door. When they get inside Octavia and Charlotte are curled up on one of the two beds fast asleep. Bellamy instantly dropped her hand at the sight.

"I'll sleep on the floor."

She rolled her eyes at his attempt to give her space. "We can share the bed."

"No, it's okay. I can-"

"Bellamy," she interrupted quietly, pushing him toward the bed. "We have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow and your not going to get a good nights sleep on the floor."

"I might not get it on the bed either," he whispered jokingly as he pulled the quilt down to inspect the bed. He dimmed the only lamp still bright in the room but left it on and she assumed that it might be for Charlotte's benefit.

She shook her head moving to get in on the opposite side, kicking off her shoes as he sat down on the space closest to the door. She watched as he pulled his shoes off of his feet and set a gun on the table beside his bed. She must have been staring at it for a long time because he asked her, "Does it bother you?"

She shook her head, settling down under the blanket as he did the same. "No. It's just strange to see you with it I guess."

He stayed on his side of the bed and she stayed on hers. It was strange. Closeness had never been their problem but she could tell that he didn't want to cross any lines. She didn't either but it was too weird to be this far away from him when every time they had shared a bed before she had always ended up laid half across him. She moved closer, hesitantly. Her forehead fell lightly against his cheek and her eyes drooped shut.

"Bellamy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Atom," she murmured. She just needed to say it, to let him know that she would be there when he was ready to talk about it. She wasn't expecting an answer from him but she got one anyway.

"Thanks Princess."

She smiled into the darkness and listened as both of their breathing slowed. Her mind fogged over but she felt him shift on the bed and push his cheek closer against her forehead.

Yeah, they were a mess but there was a certain beauty to the chaos between them. Wasn't there?

* * *

**_Thank you for reading and sorry it took a while to put up! I'm actually thinking of doing a sort of prequel of one shots revolving around their life before Bellamy left. Also I'm been plotting out another AU about Princess Clarke being put into protection under Bellamy. Let me know in the reviews if that's something you guys are interested in. Suggestions are always welcome._**

**_Tumblr: my-timeless-heart_**


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